Think of Tithing as Fire Insurance

Tithing is one of the greatest gifts that Joseph Smith gave to true followers. He taught us that heavenly father will reward us for paying an honest tithing, with more gifts than we are capable of recieving. I can't wait to get all my rewards. I have been paying an honest tithing my whole life. I know that my rewards are just adding up, and when they come, I will be blown away. I have such a strong testimony of tithing, why just the other day, I found a dollar in my winter jacket. If I didn't pay an honest tithing, someone else may have found that dollar. This is proof of the divine principal of the tithe.

There are some cheap scapes that try to conjer up reasons why not to pay a true tithing. Well, I only have one thing to say to them. Don't stand next to me at the second coming of Joseph Smith because you are gonna burn like toast.

Oh, I hate saying things like that, but its true, as found in the Book of Mormon. Please turn away from your wicked ways and go straight to your bishop with your check book open. It is not too late for this year. Tithing settlement is still a month away. Open your check book and let the windows of heaven open up for you. I just know that as soon as my blessings come, I will be amazed at their abundance. I want you to have that same feeling. I also want to be able to stand next to you at the second coming. Remember, an honest tithing is like buying fire insurance.

Ramiumptum,

Molly the Mormon

Melchizedek Steps to ending Gaydom

Well, it seems that many desperate Gays have tried to rid themselves of the despicable habit of Gaydom by following the Aaronic (initial) steps I outlined in my last post. To all of you Gays, I send you a Sunbeam Point.

Now of course, you can't be expected to overcome such a hideous practice by merely taking the initiatory steps. You now must take the next big step towards washing your garments of sin, yea even the sins of Sodhomy and Gonareah.

Melchizedek Steps:
1. Complete all the Aaronic (initiatory) steps.

2. Think of things that will turn you off.

Men:
a. Think of your boyfriends penis as a poisonous snake spewing venom. This will make you steer way clear of that thing.
b. Think of what comes out of the other end as well. Where do you think aids comes from?

Women:
a. Do you know where your girlfriends mouth has been? Think about it. Is that something you want to kiss? Not me thank you.
b. Gay women don't even shave their legs or armpits. If you stop and think about these things, you will see that this is not what you really want.

3. Do something nice for someone of the opposite sex. This will take your mind off of your urges and may even get you your first real God-sanctioned date.

4. Avoid touching yourself. You must get used to not touching things that resemble your urges. Great Mormon leaders have counceled us to leave the door open when we use the bathroom or take a shower. Tie your right arm to the bed post (left arm if you are left-handed). This will make it hard to play with yourself at nite. Wear 3 sets of clothes (fully fastened) to bed to make it difficult to touch yourself at nite.

5. Finally, whenever you have spare time, read the Book of Mormon. This way you will not have time to be gay.

Oh brothers and sisters, I feel so strongly about this, and I just know that if you follow these 5 steps (after completing the initiatory steps) you will be able to overcome your weaknesses, and be able to turn them to your strengths. I bear my testimony to you that these things are true.

In the name of Joseph Smith

Ramiumptum

Molly the Mormon

5 Initiatory (Aaronic) Steps to Ending Gaydom

From reading some posts on LDS UN-Friendly blogs (please don't do this at home, I'm a professional) I have come across several posts about Gays. These posts will lead you to believe that Gayism is ok. We non-Gays know this is just not true. The Book of Mormon clearly spells out that being Gay is an abdomination. Just look at the example of Sodomy and Gonareah. Both of those cities were destroyed by fire and brimstone due to excessive Gayism. I think they even named some STPs after them.

So if you are Gay or are contemplating being Gay, here are some steps to help you overcome those urges:

1. If you are a man, wear pants. If you are a woman, wear a dress. You be surprised how this will allow you to identify with your own gender.
2. If you are a man, don't wear makeup. If you are a woman, wear makeup. Same reason as number one.
3. If you are a man, don't go shopping. Instead chop some firewood or play football. If you are a woman, don't chop firewood or play football, instead go shopping....see how easy this is?
4. If you are a man, talk like a man. If you are a woman, talk like a woman.
5. If you are a man, walk like a man. If you are a woman, walk like a woman.

I think this is enough steps for now. I promise if you follow these initial steps you will be well on your way to ending those discusting urges that you know are wrong. You are not in this alone. There are many good mormons that will help you. I know you can do it if you try.

With prayful thoughts,

Molly the Mormon

Follow the Profit

I still remember the song "Follow the Profit" from primary. It is to this day one of my favorite songs, and its words are wisdom to live your life by. I mean think about it. The profit has a direct line of communication with the lord, and as such knows what is best for us. Follow the profit, he knows the way. Whenever the profit speaks, you should listen intently and treat his speech as scripture. After all, when the profit speaks, the thinking has been done. Isn't that a wonderful feeling? You don't have to clutter your day with wondering what to do. Just follow the profit!! Be prepared to do whatever he asks of us. We all know that the end of days is upon us, and the world will surely be thrown into chaos. We should stand by and wait for the profit to tell us what to do when that happens. He might tell us to load up our SUVs and Ford Trucks with food and ammunition and meat at the Steak Center. There we can protect our food and our families, with force if we have to, and against any enemy. We are so lucky in the mormon church to have a profit to guide us in these latter days. We thank thee oh god for a profit.

Molly the Mormon

Cookies for Christ

Well now, let me just say that I think this blogging thing is going to do wonders for the Church of Joseph Smith of Latter Day Saints. However, I was thinking just this afternoon as I was pulling some of my world famous Chocolate Chip cookies out of the oven, that I can't just sit on my laurels (actually I guess I could, since I am in Young Womens - a little Molly Humor :). I need to be more proactive in my efforts to perfect the saints. So I put a dozen cookies on a dish and took them over to the inactive family on my street. If you try this at home, remember to place scotch tape on the bottom with your name on it. That way they will remember where the dish came from and you will have 2 opportunities to do the Lord's work !

I went out of my way to let them know that our Ward loved and appreciated them, and invited them to attend church this Sunday. I can't tell you how great I felt as I was walking home. I just know they will come. When they return the dish, I plan on giving them some pamplits that talk about how families can be forever.

I encourage everyone of you to do the same. Bake some cookies and take them to the inactive couple on your street. If you don't have a great cookie recipe like mine, you can always take Jello. You can never miss with Jello. And, don't forget the scotch tape.

Please let me know how this works out.

Satin is working overtime.

Lately I have been lurking around the blogosphere and have noticed many blogs that are dedicated to satin's work. They are under the guise of ex-mormon or recovering from mormanism, but I know there true agenda.

Some of these blogs I will list here:
discovering la (sounds like an R-rated telly tubby movie)
joseph's left one (how discusting)
simeon's peep stone (only fools use peep stones)
agnostic mom
mormon truth
a new eric (added at the request of eric himself--I can't believe he wants to be associated with the likes of those listed above)
and many many more

Brothers and sisters, PLEASE do not visit these blogs unless your intent is spiritual harvesting.
These people are influenced by the devil and mean to lead you away from the truth!!

They really can't help it though. They need our help. We must help them overcome the wisperings of the fallen one.

I propose that we have a prayer vigil at exactly 9:00pm MST on Saturday night. Let's lift our voices to the lord in prayerful concern for these poor lost souls. Together we can make a difference because as sure as I am here today, I know that our prayers will be answered.

Thanks for your faithful dedication.

Yours in faith,

Molly the Mormon

Introducing Molly The Mormon

This new blog will be dedicated to the greatest cause possible, that of defending the only true church on the face of the earth...The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and the courageous leaders that restored Jesus's chuch on earth, and continue to do the Lord's work today. I hope you enjoy my blog as great topics will be discussed that are aimed at perfecting the saints and converting lost souls.

Stay tuned for future uplifting topics.