Thursday, September 27, 2007

Sunbeam and Brimstone Points

Dear brothers and sisters, I have decided to create a new feature to my blogernacle where I display both Sunbeam and Brimstone points. This will give you a chance to see how you are doing on your quest for eternal perfection. This is not to create rivalries or jealousies, but should be veiwed as encouragement.

I now have everyone listed with the number of Sunbeam and Brimstone points they have earned to this point. I will keep the listing updated from this point forward.

How It Works
When I observe a worthy act on this blog, I offer a Sunbeam point, and vice versa, a Brimstone point. Totally subjective on my part.

The way you get rid of a Brimstone point is to earn 10 Sunbeam points. Although your Brimstone point will be changed to 0, your name will remain on the Brimstone list as a reminder of what can happen when you let go of the rod of righteousness.

This is not an official declaration, but you can assume that the following rankings are a somewhat accurate assessment of where you are in the eternal scheme of things:

1-10 points = member
11-20 points = deacon
21-30 points = teacher
31-40 points = priest
41-50 points = elder
51-60 points = bishop
61-70 points = steak president
71-80 points = seventy (of course)
81-90 points = apostle
91-100 points = profit
100+ points = calling and election made sure

I must point out that women are only eligible for member status regardless of the number of Sunbeam points they earn.


Molly the Mormon

Saturday, September 22, 2007

LDS Church Issues Statement of Regret for Massacre

Oh brothers and sisters, aren't you excited about the recent apology issued by the profit regarding the mountain meadows massacre? This apology disolves the church of any wrong doing and clears brother brigham of any involvement. Now we can finally put this over blown event to bed. Honestly, what is all the fuss about. Lamanites used to kill wagon trains all the time. Everyone blames brother brigham for not stopping this event. Well, my take is that if the Lord didn't allow brother brigham to stop the massacre, it was probably meant to happen. I mean, it is known fact that the members of the wagon train killed Parley Pratt and bragged about being at carthage jail when our beloved Joseph was martered. The fact that so many false stories have come out blaming Mormons for the massacre that it only serves to strengthen my testimony of Joseph Smith.

I admonish you to take the mountain meadows massacre challenge and pray to see if these things are true. Don't believe what you read on the internet. It is all false. Believe only in your own faith and testimony, and you will come to realize that the Lamanites didn't know what they were doing and probably acted under the direction of the Lord.


Molly the Mormon

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Perversions of the Natural Man

Oh brothers and sisters, recent events have caused me to post about something very serious. Lustful perversions. I think it is of utmost importance that you pay close attention to this topic as it is obvious that many here have need of chastisement.
Let's discuss the top 10 perversions here:

1. Greed - Leads to Envy
2. Envy - Leads to Lust
3. Lust - Leads to Pornography
4. Pornography - Leads to Gay Pornography
5. Gay Pornography - Leads to Gayism
6. Gayism - Satin's plan to prevent the second coming

See a pattern here?

7. Alcoholism - Leads to Idleness
8. Idleness - Leads to Extra-marital sex
9. Extra-Marital Sex - Leads to Abortion
10. Abortion - Satin's backup plan to prevent the second coming

I think this illustration makes it perfectly clear how one little slip-up can lead you down the crooked path, yea even the slippery slope that either ends in Gayism or Abortion. Both of these evils prevent our spirit siblings from inhabiting their earthly tabernacles, thus preventing the second coming of Joseph.

Can't you see the cunning ways of satin? Can't you see how important it is to hold to the rod of righteousness and to follow the straight and narrow path that leads back to brother Joseph?

Brothers and Sisters, I testify to you here today, that these things are true, and if you heed this council, you will be blessed with the spirit of Joseph and hope of Heber.

These things I leave with you in the name of Joseph Smith


Molly the Mormon

Friday, June 15, 2007

Letters From Readers

This post is a new installment I like to call, "Letters From Readers"
From time to time, I will post emails that I recieve from readers that find comfort in my blog.

Dear Molly,

I am SO glad I stumbled upon your blog. I have learned so much by reading your insightful posts and commentary. I had no idea that Satin was using gayism to thwart God's plan, but from reading your last post and praying about it, I can now see that his plan makes perfect since. Oh Molly, please continue to spread your gospel truths about the church and Joseph Smith.


The Mission Field

So brothers and sisters, as you can see our efforts here are working. Let's continue our crusade to thwart Satin's plan by ending gayism, because remember, a gay world is a world without children and is a world where everyone has aids.


Molly the Mormon

Friday, June 08, 2007

Telletubbies are teaching our children to be Gays

Oh Brothers and Sisters,
I feel I would be ungrateful if I didn't warn you about the evils of a "children's" TV show that is nothing more than a propogator of Gay porn.

Teletubbies teach our innocent, tender children how to be gay and have gay sex.

If you watched this, go directly to your Bishop and repent.

We need to start a petition to get KBYU to drop this filth from the airwaves.
This TV show is counter productive to Gay-curing steps to ending gaydom.
Together we can make a difference.


Molly the Mormon

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Not one, but 16 Profits

Oh brothers and sisters, I have great news to exclaim. The true church of God no longer has just a single profit at its head, but now has 16. That's right, I said 16. Here is the official press release:

Official LDS News Release

Now you know that when it comes to church doctrine, it is not only the profit that is speaking, but the quorum of the 12 apostles and the first presidency and the presiding bishop, all speaking the truth. Nay sayers will try to point out that this means we don't have a profit at all, that direct communication from God must go thru correlation, but I poo poo such falty reasoning.

We have not lost a profit, we have gained an additional 15 profits.
This is a time for rejoicing for the time is drawing near that Joseph will return to claim his throne on the left hand of God. (Jesus already took the right hand)


Molly the Mormon

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Beat the Blues: REPENT!

I have been silent lo these many months, because I was blessed to give birth to my eighth child, Helaman. I know I am blessed among women and I embrace my divine roll, that of Mother. Being a mother is indeed my work and my glory. There is no higher honor than this for me. I am so very glad that I was blessed to have yet another boy! The world surely needs more righteous priesthood bearers. I am glad to have my one sweet daughter, Emma, to help me in the household duties, but nothing compares to the swelling in my bosom I get when I see my dear boys all lined up in a row at church in their Sunday best. I can’t wait til the day that they all bear their priesthood in righteous dominion over their own families, yea, even their own worlds someday.

I’m ashamed to say I faltered for a while after Helaman was born. I have always strived to be the kind of wife Brother Joseph wants me to be for him. I worked very hard to do my duties with a heart full of song after I came home with my baby the day after he was born. But no matter how hard I tried to smile, and be the happy wife my husband needs, and the happy mother my children need, I didn’t feel it inside.

I tried so hard to hide my unhappiness…..until it all blew up one day. My dear husband Peter came home to find me curled up on the kitchen floor, sobbing, my hair a wild mess like he’d never seen before since I always freshen up just before he gets home to please him. I hadn’t maid dinner yet, or cleaned the house! If he only knew how long I’d been lying there, he’d have really been upset. Instead, he took me by the arms and commanded me to pull myself together.

Then the Spirit prompted him to give me a priesthood blessing. I was so distraught in my unhappiness, yet through my haze of sin and sadness, I remember him blessing me that I must live the gospel to be truly happy, and I must avoid evil and the misery it brings. He blessed me to go to my bishop immediately, and repent of my sins in order to find happiness once again, since shedding my sins is the only way to happiness. He told me that I must stop listening to Satin who is the enemy of all righteousness, and start focussing once again on the words of Joseph. He blessed me that only the voice of Satin can cause me to feel such sadness.

I must admit I didn’t feel an immediate lifting of my sorrows, but I knew from his inspired blessing that I would only find such a lifting through deep repentance and finding forgiveness for my sins. I immediately went to bed after making Peter his dinner, giving the kids their baths, and putting them down to bed with their half hour of scripture reading, and in bed I pondered what my sins were that would cause me such grief and misery. It took me a while, but suddenly I KNEW.

A few weeks before my blessing, my friends in the Relief Society threw a baby shower for me. It was beautiful! I enjoyed the sisterhood we all shared as they honored me for reaching another goal in fulfiling my divine roll. I know that some women envy me for my 8 children, but that can’t be helped. We can’t all be worthy of Joseph’s love and praise. Anyway, my next door neighbor is inactive, and the Relief Society President warned me she was going to invite Betty to my shower to try to get her to start coming back to church. She asked Betty to bring a dessert to get her to commit to coming. She brought over the most beautiful cake, a dark colored cake with raisins and glaze. It looked so good, I had to have some. It had a delicious flavor I couldn’t place. All I knew was I’d never tasted cake that tasty before...I even had two pieces, it was that good. It was so good, that it made me want to do wild and crazy things. Things I had never even thought to do before. My head was just spinning, with visions of debauchery swirling around. I wanted to please my husband in ways that shouldn't be mentioned. Luckily I came down from my high before Peter got home. Who knows what I would have done to that Peter.

And still, after those reactions, I told her I just had to have the recipe. That must have been Satin talking, not me. I couldn't help it, I was out of my mind. And I found out why the next day, when she brought me the recipe. RUM RAISIN CAKE! I had partaken of Satin’s Vile Brew! I was so distraught over what I had done, that I completely missed my visiting teaching appointment that afternoon, compounding my sin and cementing my unhappiness.

It was then that I knew I must see the Bishop at once! But I put it off out of shame and guilt, and lo, that’s why I broke down. The guilt and sadness was too much to bare. How could I let the Bishop know that I had drifted from the true path of glory? I had let him down, I had let my husband down, and I had let my husband to be (brother Joseph) down. I was no longer worthy to hold the divine title of Mother in Zion. Oh the shame of it all! Thank Joseph for the principal of repentance. My very soul was racked with the pain of my sin. I felt like the very bowels of hell should come and swallow me up. I am ashamed to admit that my way of dealing with this guilt was to shut it out of my mind. Yea, even to forget it ever happened.

But I did indeed go to my bishop, for I knew that was what Joseph would have me do. Bishop rebuked me and admonished me to abstain from taking the sacrement for 2 months. I expected much worse, and even tried to get the bishop to lengthen it, to be sure that Joseph would forgive me in full, but Bishop assured me that 2 months was enough. During those two months, however, I didn’t feel worthy to post on my blog. How can I testify when I don’t have the Spirit to guide me??

But now I’m back, firm in my testimony that repenting of your sins is the only way to find true joy and happiness. I can’t tell you how much sorrow and misery I’ve felt these past few months. But I know that we can overcome all sadness if we but repent and sin no more.


Molly the Mormon

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Callings are of God

My last post resulted in many comments that disturbed me, yea even causing me to quake. I felt impressed to kneal down at my bed stead and consult with the almighty about how to respond. I must say that the warmest feeling filled my bosum when I was inspired to write this post about Callings. Oh brothers and sisters, it is so important that you grasp the verity of what I am about to say.

Your Bishop or Stake President is called of God, and in an as much as he accepts that mantle, he will be a conduit for God's wishes to be fulfilled here on earth in our mortal probation. Yea even will any calling extended to you by these faithful brethren, be also an extension of God's will.

There are a few things that it is of utmost importance that you understand regarding any extended calling:

1) All callings are from God, not man.
2) Refusing a calling is being unfaithful to Joseph and is accompanied by dire consequences
3) Not magnifying your calling is tantamount to rejecting the sacrifice Joseph made at Liberty
4) Your very soul depends on your faithful acceptance and fulfillment of any extended call

Now let's discuss this a bit further. Jesus could have rejected his calling to be our savior, but no, he said, "not my will father, but thine be done." Brother Joseph could have rejected his devine calling to be the Lord's instrument in restoring the true church back on the earth, but no, he gladly accepted this calling and sealed it with his blood. Are you willing to accept your calling and seal it with your blood? As for me and my house, we will follow Joseph Smith.

Matthew states that only the faithful will stand on the right hand of God after the resurrection. Do you want to be counted among the sheep or the goats?

Callings are so important to the church that the profit has even been inspired to eliminate many paid positions inside the church while replacing them with church callings and mission calls. Positions like working at the cannery, ward janitors, working on the church farms and ranches, business positions in the church offices in Salt Lake, Temple presidents and workers, etc. Many of the callings are skilled positions that command great salaries in the corporate world, and the church has seen fit to suffer the consequences of not being able to hire talented young men and women but rather settle for free labor as provided thru faithful members. This sacrifice makes it obvious to me how important it is for us as members of Joseph's restored church, to accept the callings and to fulfill them to our utmost ability so as not to disappoint Joseph, our father, and the savior.

Brothers and Sisters, I have had the holy ghost bear witness to me that these things are true and I close in the name of Joseph Smith...amen.


Molly the Mormon

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

LDS Inc. = Windows of Heaven

Oh Brothers and Sisters, isn't it wonderful how rich and powerful the LDS church has become? I'm sure you are all aware that the true church of God recently purchased a shopping mall in downtown Salt Lake City for 1 Billion dollars. What you might not know is that the LDS church is the second largest property owner in the world, behind only MacDonalds.

The great thing about this isn't that the LDS church has 1 Billion dollars laying around, or owns more buildings that 7-eleven, but rather that not a single penny of tithing money was used in the purchase of the mall or other like properties purchased recently. These purchases are made solely from funds generated from other LDS business interests. This overwhelming wealth and success can only be attributed to faithfulness of its members.

This is the single-most testiment to a people being blessed by our Heavenly Father since the birth of Joseph Smith, and is a great example of the windows of heaven being opened up pouring out treasures so great that there is not room enough to recieve it.

Brothers and Sisters, this is proof positive that the LDS church is the only true church on the face of this planet, and that the righteousness of its faithful members (full tithe payers) has caused the windows of heaven to open up. This can be you too! I can't wait until the windows of heaven open up for me.

God loves members of his church and shows this love by pouring down blessings for those that have sacrificed in the name of Joseph Smith. I'm not talking about token sacrifices here. I'm talking about the sacrifices of true believers, the ones that will make it to the Celestial Kingdom.

I'm talking about members that pay a full and honest tithing (10+ percent of gross income) plus an honest Fast offering, plus support for the scouting program, plus support for the perpetual education fund, and plus supporting the missionary fund to help pay for the missions of those who are less fortunate and cannot pay their own way.

Brothers and sisters, if you are truly a faithful member of God's true church on earth, you will be paying a good 20-25% of your gross income to the church to support all the auxilary programs, temples, missions, and other business interests, but don't think that you are done with only that minor sacrifice. In addition you should be holding at least 1 major calling in the church, or 2-3 minor callings. A major calling is one that requires you dedicate at least 40 hours a week. Anything less and you are not magnifying your calling. If you have a minor calling that only requires 15-20 hours a week, then you need to go to your bishop and ask for addition callings.
I would try to keep your service to the Lord to around 40 hours a week. This will still leave time for your home and visiting teaching assignments. Remember, that a dedicated HT or VT visits their families at least twice a month. Once a month shows no dedication and gives the appearance of number padding, and we all know that home teaching and visiting teaching is not about the numbers.

Remember, this is the Lord's work, but he can't do it without our help, but with our help and sacrifice, the church will become even more rich and powerful enabling it to have enough money to further the Lord's work by spreading the Gospel and recruiting more faithful members.

Brothers and Sisters, I know that the church is true and this work is inspired of God.
In the name of Joseph Smith,


Molly the Mormon