Saturday, September 16, 2006

5 Initiatory (Aaronic) Steps to Ending Gaydom

From reading some posts on LDS UN-Friendly blogs (please don't do this at home, I'm a professional) I have come across several posts about Gays. These posts will lead you to believe that Gayism is ok. We non-Gays know this is just not true. The Book of Mormon clearly spells out that being Gay is an abdomination. Just look at the example of Sodomy and Gonareah. Both of those cities were destroyed by fire and brimstone due to excessive Gayism. I think they even named some STPs after them.

So if you are Gay or are contemplating being Gay, here are some steps to help you overcome those urges:
  1. If you are a man, wear pants. If you are a woman, wear a dress. You be surprised how this will allow you to identify with your own gender.
  2. If you are a man, don't wear makeup. If you are a woman, wear makeup. Same reason as number one.
  3. If you are a man, don't go shopping. Instead chop some firewood or play football. If you are a woman, don't chop firewood or play football, instead go shopping....see how easy this is?
  4. If you are a man, talk like a man. If you are a woman, talk like a woman.
  5. If you are a man, walk like a man. If you are a woman, walk like a woman.
I think this is enough steps for now. I promise if you follow these initial steps you will be well on your way to ending those discusting urges that you know are wrong. You are not in this alone. There are many good mormons that will help you. I know you can do it if you try.

With prayful thoughts,

Molly the Mormon

37 comments:

the sinister porpoise said...

I'm glad you're here to show us the error of our ways, but I was not aware of the Book of Mormon condemning homosexuality as an abomination. Please quote chapter and verse.

Good thing I'm mostly safe then.

CW said...

Even though this is satire... ouch. :(

Molly The Mormon said...

Sister Porpoise,

I'm not sure where it is found. I think it is in the book of Heber.

I will check and get back to you.

Molly the Mormon

Molly The Mormon said...

CW,

I assure you this is not satire.

Molly the Morman

the sinister propoise said...

Ah, there's you're mistake, the Book of Heber is in the Pearl of Great Price. It was translated through the power of the Priesthood from the Reformed Jive it was written in.

A soul, finally free. said...

Dearest Molly The Mormon. We havent met but I left you a comment on another blog, i believe it was the one on satin. Anyway my name is Emily, a friend of Sister Mary Lisa who I think is an incredible person. Well now that we have met, I found this on the internet, I thought when refrence was made to this in a book I was reading I thought it was a joke, but I was surprised to find that it indeed was factual. It kinda of sounds like your advice to people who are gay...well this deals with those awful people who touch themselves inapporpriately. You think just like Mark E Peterson. Too bad you are female and can't hold the calling of an apostle.


A friend a mine who had been a Mormon missionary came across this
"guide," circa 1970, on tattered photocopy. In fact, the pages
were stuck together.

Anyway, we were so amused by it (esp. "Suggestion 19"), I thought
it deserved a wider audience.




STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Mark E. Petersen
Council of the 12 Apostles


Be assured that you can be cured of your difficulty. Many have been,
both male and female, and you can be also if you determine that it must be so.

This determination is the first step. That is where we begin. You
must decide that you will end this practice, and when you make that decision,
the problem will be greatly reduced at once.

But it must be more than a hope or a whish, more than knowing that it
is good for you. It must be actually a DECISION. If you truly make up your
mind that you will be cured, then you will have the strength to resist any
tendencies which you may have and any temptations which may come to you.

After you have made this decision, then observe the following specific
guidelines:



A Guide to Self-Control:

1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during
normal toilet processes.

2. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company
and stay in this good company.

3. If you are associated with other persons having this same
problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never
associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't
suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will.
You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in
their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind.
The problem must be taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where
it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more
wholesome things.

4. When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never
stay in the bath more than five or six minutes -- just long
enough to bathe and dry and dress AND THEN GET OUT OF THE
BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your
family present.

5. When in bed, if that is where you have your problem for the
most part, dress yourself for the night so securely that you
cannot easily touch your vital parts, and so that it would
be difficult and time consuming for you to remove those
clothes. By the time you started to remove protective
clothing you would have sufficiently controlled your
thinking that the temptation would leave you.

6. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed,
GET OUT OF BED AND GO INTO THE KITCHEN AND FIX YOURSELF A
SNACK, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if
you are not hungry, and despite your fears of gaining
weight. The purpose behind this suggestion is that you GET
YOUR MIND ON SOMETHING ELSE. You are the subject of your
thoughts, so to speak.

7. Never read pornographic material. Never read about your
problem. Keep it out of mind. Remember -- "First a
thought, then an act."
The thought pattern must be changed. You must not
allow this problem to remain in your mid. When you
accomplish that, you soon will be free of the act.

8. Put wholesome thoughts into your mind at all times. Read
good books -- Church books -- Scriptures -- Sermons of the
Brethern [sic, Cistern too?]. Make a daily habit of reading
at least one chapter of Scripture, preferably from one of the
four Gospels in the New Testament, or the Book of Mormon. The
four Gospels -- Matthew, Mark, Luke and John -- above
anything else in the Bible can be helpful because of their
uplifting qualities.

9. Pray. But when you pray, don't pray about this problem, for
that will tend to keep [it] in your mind more than ever. Pray
for faith, pray for understanding of the Scriptures, pray
for the Missionaries, the General Authorities, your friends,
your families, BUT KEEP THE PROBLEM OUT OF YOUR MIND BY NOT
MENTIONING IT EVER -- NOT IN CONVERSATION WITH OTHERS, NOT
IN YOUR PRAYERS. KEEP IT _OUT_ of your mind!



The attitude of a person toward his problem has an affect [sic] on how
easy it is to overcome. It is essential that a firm commitment be made to
control the habit. As a person understands his reasons for the behavior, and
is sensitive to the conditions or situations that may trigger a desire for the
act, he develops the power to control it.

We are taught that our bodies are temples of God, and are to be clean
so that the Holy Ghost may dwell within us. Masturbation is a sinful habit
that robs one of the Spirit and creates guilt and emotional stress. It is not
physically harmful unless practiced in the extreme. It is a habit that is
totally self-centered, and secretive, and in no way expresses the proper use of
the procreative power given to man to fulfill eternal purposes. It therefore
separates a person from God and defeats the gospel plan.

This self-gratifying activity will cause one to lose his self-respect
testimony becomes weak, and missionary work and other Church callings become
burdensome, offerins.

To help in planning an effective program to overcome the problem a
brieation is given of how the reproductive organs in a young man function.

The testes in your body are continually producing hundreds of millions
of reproductive cells call _spermatozoa_. These are moved up a tube called the
_vas deferens_ to a place called the _ampulla_ where they are mixed with fluids
from two membranous pouches called _seminal vesicles_ and the _prostate gland_.
The resultant fluid is calleeminal vesicles are full a signa to the _central
nervous system_ indicating they are ready to benother, depending on such
thingsexercise, state of health, etc. everal times a week, for others
It is normal for the vesicles to be emptied occasionally at night
durise the emptying come from the cetral nervous system. Often an erotic dream
is experienced at the same time, and is a part of this normal process. nstead
ourse, the reproductive system is operating at a more rapid pace, trying to
keep up with the loss of semen. When he stops the habit, the body will
continue to produce ahis increased rate, for an indefese are not harmful and
are to be endured until the normal central nervous system pathway of rel
During this period of control several things can be done to make the pr
As one meets with his Priesthood Leader, a program for overcoming
masturbation can be implemented using some of t Remember it is essential that a
regur report program be agreed on, so progress can be recognized and failures
understood and eliminated.


Suggestions:

1. Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will
strengthen you against temptation. Pray fervently and out
lout when the temptations are the strongest.

2. Follow a program of vigorous daily exercise. The exercises
reduce emotional tension and depression and are absolutely
basic to the solution of this problem. Double your physical
activity when you feel stress increasing.

3. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell _STOP_ to
those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and then
recite a prechosen Scripture or sing an inspirational hymn.
It is important to turn your thoughts away from the selfish
need to indulge.

4. Set goals of abstinence, begin with a day, then a week,
month, year and finally commit to never doing it again.
Until you commit yourself to _never again_ you will always be
open to temptation.

5. Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved
through a changed self-image. Spend time every day
imagining yourself strong and in control, easily overcoming
tempting situations.

6. Begin to work daily on a self-improvement program. Relate
this plan to improving your Church service, to improving your
relationships with your family, God and others. Strive to
enhance your strengths and talents.

7. Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others
and learn to enjoy working and talking to them. Use
principles of developing friendships found in books such as
_How to Win Friends and Influence People_ by Dale Carnegie.

8. Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to
feel lonely, bored, frustrated or discouraged. These
emotional states can trigger the desire to masturbate as a
way of escape. Plan in advance to counter these low periods
through various activities, such as reading a book, visiting
a friend, doing something athletic, etc.

9. Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry
it with you, but show it to no one. If you have a lapse of
self control, color the day black. Your goal will be to
have _no black days_. The calendar becomes a strong visual
reminder of self control and should be looked at when you
are tempted to add another black day. Keep your calendar up
until you have at least three clear months.

10. A careful study will indicate you have had the problem at
certain times and under certain conditions. Try and recall,
in detail, what your particular times and conditions were.
Now that you understand how it happens, plan to break the
pattern through counter activities.

11. In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective
technique called _aversion therapy_. When we associate
or think of something very distasteful with something which has
been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful thought
and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was
pleasurable. If you associate something very distasteful
with your loss of self-control it will help you to stop the
act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think
of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of
them as you do the act.

12. During your toileting and shower activities leave the
bathroom door or shower curtain partly open, to discourage
being alone in total privacy. Take cool brief showers.

13. Arise immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake,
no matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something.
Start each day with an enthusiastic activity.

14. Keep your bladder empty. Refrain from drinking large
amounts of fluids before retiring.

15. Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your food.
Eat as lightly as possible at night.

16. Wear pajamas that are difficult to open, yet loose and
not binding.

17. Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials that
might create sexual excitement.

18. It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use
in overcoming this problem. A Book of Mormon, firmly held in
hand, even in bed at night has proven helpful in extreme
cases.

19. In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to
the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of
masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This
can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of
clothing which would be difficult to remove while half
asleep.

20. Set up a reward system for your successes. It does not have
to be a big reward. A quarter in a receptacle each time you
overcome or reach a goal. Spend it on something which
delights you and will be a continuing reminder of your
progress.

21. Do not let yourself return to any past habit or attitude
patterns which were part of your problem. _Satan Never Gives
Up_. Be calmly and confidently on guard. Keep a positive
mental attitude. You can win this fight! The joy and
strength you will feel when you do will give your whole life
a radiant and spiritual glow of satisfaction and fulfillment.

Anonymous said...

This is a joke, right??? "Abdomination?"

Molly The Mormon said...

Emily,

Thanks so much for your post. Your comments on self control are very appropriate for our young priesthood brethren.

You get a Sunbeam point.

Molly the Mormon

Molly The Mormon said...

Anon,

This is no joke, it is a very important work. The field is white and ready to harvest.

I do apologize for being a poor speller at times.

Ramiumptum,

Molly the Mormon

John said...

Molly,

I too thought this had to be parody when I first read it, but alas it appears that it is not. I'm going to assume that you are sincere in your desire to share the Gospel with gays, yet I have to tell that this is not the right approach. First of all, learn something more about homosexuality. The advice you give besides being ripe for parody does nothing to "cure" gays nor does it help a very large number of us who do none of the things you advise us not to do. You base your list on stereotypes, not reality. That is insulting to people with half a brain and not likely to lead to productive conversations with many gays. Think of it this way: do you really respond well when fundamentalist street preachers descend upon Salt Lake to save Mormon souls using quite a number of stereotypes and misinformation? I doubt it. Thirdly, understand that a large number of people including gays know about Mormonism and may reject it because it is incompatible with their beliefs. I myself do based on theological grounds. Yet an honest exchange of beliefs and ideas is the only approach. Those you speak with may not agree with you, I for one do not, but at least some will learn something of your faith and respect you for the effort. Thanks.

the sinister porpoise said...

John... Molly speaks only with love for us wayward souls. I hope you can follow her advice within the spirit in which it was intended. In the meantime, you should go to La's Self Examination Blog and look at the post "Bishop Rick is a Funny Guy" to see how serious this blog really is.

May the Porpoise be with you.

SocietyVs said...

Oh Gawd are you good. I read through the blogs and I think this is absolutely funny. Keep up the great writing.

Arizona Expositor said...

Wow Molly more great insight. Well if I were gay I would seek you out for my treatment.

Kita Kazoo said...

What happens if you only wear make-up sometimes? Do you become bi?

Molly The Mormon said...

Well, now Kazoo, that is a great question. Let's analise that. If a girl sometimes goes without make-up, she might not get as many dates with boys, which could lead her to become disenchanted with boys, thus turning to the only other alternative...being gay.

So I would say that when she wears make-up, she is straight, and when she doesn't, she is gay, so yes, this could lead to being bi.

Hope that helps.

Remember girls to always wear make-up.

Molly the Mormon

Tracy said...

Dear Molly, I'm not a Mormon, so I don't know if you can even speak to me, but I'm not gay, so I hope that get's me a sunbeam point. However, I do drink tea, so I think I just lost that sunbeam point...oh heavens, I forgot what I was going to ask you.

Go with the profit sweetie.

AmyinAZ said...

I did a bad thing. I read Tripped by the Mormons, but that must be a good thing because it led me to your site. I am a little concerned. You see, I am a single mom...divorced actually...my LDS husband never went on a mission...is that why my marriage failed?

I work at home and I find that on most days I do not style my hair or wear make-up, and often times because of house work and yard work, I wear men's boxers an awful lot of the time...they just tend to be more comfortable for those tasks. I have not become attracted to women yet, but do you you think I should worry?

Anonymous said...

Molly,

If you ever had the opportunity to see my beautiful dick you would know why I stroke it with such tender passion.

If you ever had the opportunity to see my ass you would know why every man (and woman for that matter) would like a piece of it.

If you would ever like to REALLY have a moment of coital passion like never before, then pray, fast and when I tell you I'm one of the Nephites, the 4th Nephite to be exact, just say YES !! YES, YES, YES, OH, OH GOOOD !!!!!!!!

Anonymous, as I cannot reveal myself unto the world until my mission is accomplished of finding you and *pleasing* you for all your faithful works in *his* name.

Ever Faithful

Sister Mary Lisa said...

I think Molly has fainted at the last comment. Someone get her some smelling salts, quick!

Hey, someone get ME some smelling salts, quick! It's a little hot in here right now!

Molly The Mormon said...

Anonymous,

I know you are not one of the 4 Nephites. They would never use foul language like that, and certainly not my beloved Joseph.

You and your kind are a sad lot indeed. Not only are you condemning yourself to Hell with your Gayism, but you are going to go blind in the process.

What good can becume of a a Gay blind man?

Please recognize the errors of your ways and turn to the true church to help you overcum your urges.

When you have these sinful urges, you should read the Book of Mormon and think of Joseph Smith.

Oh, I know you can do it. Please report back with your progress.

Ramiumptum,

Molly the Mormon

Kita Kazoo said...

Molly - He should think of Emma! Or Mother in Heaven...

Molly The Mormon said...

Kazoo,

You are so right. Thinking of brother Joseph might lead to those urges.

Anonymous,

Think of Emma, or me or Kazoo.

Ramiumptum,

Molly the Mormon

Tracy said...

Maybe Anonymous likes to think of both Joseph and Emma. He get's that celestial lift.

Rasputin,

Tracy

Sideon said...

Oy vey - I'm getting the vapors.

Joseph Smith is a wonderful model for us gay guys. Granted, he was a horn dog for anything in a skirt, but he spent much of his time cloistered with a bunch of other men (who were sexually frustrated, since he was bangin' their wives). The man told great stories and he knew how to party. Heaven knows that he must be divine - he's had as much of a makeover as Jesus did, based on the recent whitesome and delightsome hunkilicious portraits.

I'll pray about this serious issue, but something tells me Mother Nature could give a flying fuckarama.

Lovely blog, by the way. Reminds me of those pleasant douche commercials.

Tom Clark said...

Well Molly, I tried what you said but it didn't help not one bit. At the end of each exercise I still felt the urge to suck on my boyfriend's cock and then lick his balls and stuff. Am I doing something wrong or are you just making this shit up?

BTW, that Ramiumptum word really turns me on. What does it mean beyond what I have decided it means for me?

Tom Clark said...

Molly love - I forgot to mention that I have a wonderful gay article about myself currently playing on my blog. I was sure you'd want to check it out and that's why I came back and posted again.

It's obvious that you're trying to stay as informed as possible when it comes to all things gay, so I thought, "Well hell, point her to my blog. It couldn't hurt, right?"

Here's the link: http://beaniecapguy.typepad.com

Do study and ponder what you find there and then touch yourself under your panties to see if the Gawd of Clitoral Wetness has borne witness to you that the things I've said are true. (Even if no wetness has witnessed to you it'll still be fun touching yourself for a few minutes. Go ahead, just do it.)

Since you are sincere I feel the least I can do is be sincere too. KnowwhatI'msayin? Good luck with everything. Oh yeh, and you're going to need extra help with that Sideon guy. I hear he sucks cock and takes it up the chute regularly. I have a feeling he's going to be a hard one to drag back into the fold. But you sound like just the bitch for the job! Go for it girl - let's see what you're made of.

yours in Jeebuz, Jopez and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio

Tom

Molly The Mormon said...

Sideon, Tom,

Please use lighter language on this blog. There are children that read this stuff.

Tom,

Of course these things didn't work. They are just the initial steps. I will be posting additional steps soon.

Once I feel you have mastered these Aaronic steps, and that you are ready for the Melchizadek steps, I will poste them.

Thanks for at least trying.

Molly the Mormon

Peter Priesthood said...

Molly, I think you have a lot of insight. A friend of mine thinks he might be afflicted with gayness. He's pretty shook up. Thanks for the help.

Molly The Mormon said...

Peter,

This is my calling. I truly believe that your "friend" can be helped if he follows these simple steps that will turn your "friend" away from men and towards comely young women.

Ramiumptum,

Molly the Mormon

Doc Loco said...

It seems to me that gayism is so virulent that there is little hope for some people who are afflicted with it.

Yes, this is a very difficult issue.

I doubt that boys who are having relations with other boys can easily get over their love of boy sex.

Girls on the other hand who are having girl sex, if they would try boy sex likely will find that they enjoy boy sex just as much as boys do, provided they can get the boy to calm down a little and do some of the things that girls would do to each other if they were having girl sex.

But basically, I think that if a person, gay or not, tries boy sex, they are hooked.

So boys who are not gay should never experiment with boy sex as they could get addicted the very first time.

But for girls, it is different.

If you are a girl, especially if you are a gayist girl, it would be an especially good thing to have some boy sex as there is some hope provided you keep working on being more girl-like and seek out boyish boys.

But if you are a boy, it may be (nearly) impossible to break away from the desire for more and more boy sex just as girls once having "good" boy sex also seek more and more boy sex.

If a girl asks the priesthood for a laying on of the hands to help them want more boy sex, then the Holy Ghost will help them.

If the girl is thinking even about wanting more girl sex during the laying on of hands, the association with so many men and the Holy Ghost (who is another man - and a God even)may likely overcome their girlish gayish desire.

Even if they continue to have girl sex, as long as they include boys in their sex, they might, with the help of the Spirit, reinforce their newfound desire for boys and thus become, step by step, less and less gayish.

But if boys ask for the same laying on of hands by the priesthood and during the laying on of hands are thinking about how they would like to have sex with the priesthood member that is annointing them, it is unlikely the Spirit will endorse the blessing.

Further if they are so addicted to boy sex that they become sexually attracted to the Holy Ghost, well, that would just drive the Spirit away.

Even though He is a God, the Holy Ghost is not likely to stick around some guy who is wanting to do all the stuff that guys do to guys with Him.

How would that look to have people calling one of the God's gay? I'm sure it would not do at all.

You can easily see from the comments here that girls most often are interested in overcoming their gayish girl urges, while the boys actually blatently flaunt and revel in their gayite ways.

So, IMO (and not that I have any personal knowlege of the struggle since I am not gayish at all) gayish girls have a greater opportunity for success in overcoming their gayishness, especially as they can use clothing and make up to help establish a different self-image, while gayish boys find that a gayish boy dresses nearly identically to a non-gayish boy.

Gayish boys also do not have make up to wear or not wear and likely have little success getting the wiggle out of their walk (if they have developed their gay ways to the point that they have a gay walk.

As a priesthood member, I know most other priesthood members would be much more likely to embrace a gayish girl than a gayish boy.

Now, I know that some people would wonder about me actually endorsing girls having boy sex but I think even God would agree that overcoming something as serious as gayness demands extreme measures.

No one would fault a girl for taking these steps to re-establish her proper relationship with God and secure her place in Eternity.

As women are (in gospel parlance) the weaker vessels, we should expect God to forgive them even if they occasionally backslide into the now and again girl on girl interraction.

I think it is unfortunate for boys that God would fear the intimate contact necessary to enter into their hearts and thus turn them from gaydom.

So while gayish girls seem willing to consider being semi-gay (which is a good first step), boys I think are more stuck in their gayness and generally are happy to be gay and happy to stay that way.

I for one would certainly never tempt God (or the devil) by attempting even a casual bout of boy sex, no matter how great all the girls and boys say it is.

And while I do want the Holy Ghost to be in my heart, I don't want him in me in a gayish way and I trust that being a God, He is only interested in being my friend and reserves his sexual interest for girls like all the other Gods before Him.

At least that is my non-gay hope.

I certainly don't understand why all these gay boys want to have sex with you Molly.

You are obviously very much a non-gay and a girl.

Does this mean that they are really not quite as gay as they would want us to believe?

What would their boyfriends say?

I hope I havn't offended any gays by my frankness.

It is just that God really doesn't want any gay boys in Heaven and He doesn't want any gayish boys walking around telling people that they "represent" Him.

Then people would be saying, "What?" "Is God GAY?"

And that would not be good for anyone.

JMHO,
Doc

Jennifer Allen said...

you make normal mormons look wierd

Doc Loco said...

Not weird Jennifer, Peculiar.

Molly The Mormon said...

Doc,

I agree with, I think.

Ramiumptum,

Molly the Mormon

Anonymous said...

Mocking Gods true church with bring judgments to you all at the last day, consider yourselves warned

concerned person said...

Dear Molly the Morman, you are a dumbass...o wait im sorry im not exactly sure if you can comprehend such big words. If you think by any stretch that you are a good person or a HELPFUL person you need to just up and die right now. First of all, if you are gay u are not sinning it was just your path you decided to take and if you were a good christian or mormon w/e the hell that religion is...then you would know that but you are a BITCH and worse a STUPID bitch. the fact that you think some of these posts are serious is ridiculous. you are clueless and anyone who listens to you is clueless. SECOND the advice you gave is...well i cant really find a proper phrase for it. so here's what im going to say. suck my clit fat stuipid bitch!


BTW IDK IF NE ONE WILL GET THIS CUZ THE LAST POST WAS JANUARY...soo ya.

Anonymous said...

hmm...you dont know anything about guyism..why dont you read somthing before you help other with nothing. considering yourself being not a guy doesnt work. You must have to control your mind. many bad habits needs to be considered. Meditation is required. Your tips are joke and nothing else. but a post was helpful so i cant say its all waistage of time.

Edegra Online said...

I'm not sure where it is found. I think it is in the book of Heber.