Thursday, October 12, 2006

Melchizedek Steps to ending Gaydom

Well, it seems that many desperate Gays have tried to rid themselves of the despicable habit of Gaydom by following the Aaronic (initial) steps I outlined in my last post. To all of you Gays, I send you a Sunbeam Point.

Now of course, you can't be expected to overcome such a hideous practice by merely taking the initiatory steps. You now must take the next big step towards washing your garments of sin, yea even the sins of Sodhomy and Gonareah.

Melchizedek Steps:
1. Complete all the Aaronic (initiatory) steps.

2. Think of things that will turn you off.

a. Think of your boyfriends penis as a poisonous snake spewing venom. This will make you steer way clear of that thing.
b. Think of what comes out of the other end as well. Where do you think aids comes from?

a. Do you know where your girlfriends mouth has been? Think about it. Is that something you want to kiss? Not me thank you.
b. Gay women don't even shave their legs or armpits. If you stop and think about these things, you will see that this is not what you really want.

3. Do something nice for someone of the opposite sex. This will take your mind off of your urges and may even get you your first real God-sanctioned date.

4. Avoid touching yourself. You must get used to not touching things that resemble your urges. Great Mormon leaders have counceled us to leave the door open when we use the bathroom or take a shower. Tie your right arm to the bed post (left arm if you are left-handed). This will make it hard to play with yourself at nite. Wear 3 sets of clothes (fully fastened) to bed to make it difficult to touch yourself at nite.

5. Finally, whenever you have spare time, read the Book of Mormon. This way you will not have time to be gay.

Oh brothers and sisters, I feel so strongly about this, and I just know that if you follow these 5 steps (after completing the initiatory steps) you will be able to overcome your weaknesses, and be able to turn them to your strengths. I bear my testimony to you that these things are true.

In the name of Joseph Smith


Molly the Mormon