Thursday, April 12, 2007

Beat the Blues: REPENT!

I have been silent lo these many months, because I was blessed to give birth to my eighth child, Helaman. I know I am blessed among women and I embrace my divine roll, that of Mother. Being a mother is indeed my work and my glory. There is no higher honor than this for me. I am so very glad that I was blessed to have yet another boy! The world surely needs more righteous priesthood bearers. I am glad to have my one sweet daughter, Emma, to help me in the household duties, but nothing compares to the swelling in my bosom I get when I see my dear boys all lined up in a row at church in their Sunday best. I can’t wait til the day that they all bear their priesthood in righteous dominion over their own families, yea, even their own worlds someday.

I’m ashamed to say I faltered for a while after Helaman was born. I have always strived to be the kind of wife Brother Joseph wants me to be for him. I worked very hard to do my duties with a heart full of song after I came home with my baby the day after he was born. But no matter how hard I tried to smile, and be the happy wife my husband needs, and the happy mother my children need, I didn’t feel it inside.

I tried so hard to hide my unhappiness…..until it all blew up one day. My dear husband Peter came home to find me curled up on the kitchen floor, sobbing, my hair a wild mess like he’d never seen before since I always freshen up just before he gets home to please him. I hadn’t maid dinner yet, or cleaned the house! If he only knew how long I’d been lying there, he’d have really been upset. Instead, he took me by the arms and commanded me to pull myself together.

Then the Spirit prompted him to give me a priesthood blessing. I was so distraught in my unhappiness, yet through my haze of sin and sadness, I remember him blessing me that I must live the gospel to be truly happy, and I must avoid evil and the misery it brings. He blessed me to go to my bishop immediately, and repent of my sins in order to find happiness once again, since shedding my sins is the only way to happiness. He told me that I must stop listening to Satin who is the enemy of all righteousness, and start focussing once again on the words of Joseph. He blessed me that only the voice of Satin can cause me to feel such sadness.

I must admit I didn’t feel an immediate lifting of my sorrows, but I knew from his inspired blessing that I would only find such a lifting through deep repentance and finding forgiveness for my sins. I immediately went to bed after making Peter his dinner, giving the kids their baths, and putting them down to bed with their half hour of scripture reading, and in bed I pondered what my sins were that would cause me such grief and misery. It took me a while, but suddenly I KNEW.

A few weeks before my blessing, my friends in the Relief Society threw a baby shower for me. It was beautiful! I enjoyed the sisterhood we all shared as they honored me for reaching another goal in fulfiling my divine roll. I know that some women envy me for my 8 children, but that can’t be helped. We can’t all be worthy of Joseph’s love and praise. Anyway, my next door neighbor is inactive, and the Relief Society President warned me she was going to invite Betty to my shower to try to get her to start coming back to church. She asked Betty to bring a dessert to get her to commit to coming. She brought over the most beautiful cake, a dark colored cake with raisins and glaze. It looked so good, I had to have some. It had a delicious flavor I couldn’t place. All I knew was I’d never tasted cake that tasty before...I even had two pieces, it was that good. It was so good, that it made me want to do wild and crazy things. Things I had never even thought to do before. My head was just spinning, with visions of debauchery swirling around. I wanted to please my husband in ways that shouldn't be mentioned. Luckily I came down from my high before Peter got home. Who knows what I would have done to that Peter.

And still, after those reactions, I told her I just had to have the recipe. That must have been Satin talking, not me. I couldn't help it, I was out of my mind. And I found out why the next day, when she brought me the recipe. RUM RAISIN CAKE! I had partaken of Satin’s Vile Brew! I was so distraught over what I had done, that I completely missed my visiting teaching appointment that afternoon, compounding my sin and cementing my unhappiness.

It was then that I knew I must see the Bishop at once! But I put it off out of shame and guilt, and lo, that’s why I broke down. The guilt and sadness was too much to bare. How could I let the Bishop know that I had drifted from the true path of glory? I had let him down, I had let my husband down, and I had let my husband to be (brother Joseph) down. I was no longer worthy to hold the divine title of Mother in Zion. Oh the shame of it all! Thank Joseph for the principal of repentance. My very soul was racked with the pain of my sin. I felt like the very bowels of hell should come and swallow me up. I am ashamed to admit that my way of dealing with this guilt was to shut it out of my mind. Yea, even to forget it ever happened.

But I did indeed go to my bishop, for I knew that was what Joseph would have me do. Bishop rebuked me and admonished me to abstain from taking the sacrement for 2 months. I expected much worse, and even tried to get the bishop to lengthen it, to be sure that Joseph would forgive me in full, but Bishop assured me that 2 months was enough. During those two months, however, I didn’t feel worthy to post on my blog. How can I testify when I don’t have the Spirit to guide me??

But now I’m back, firm in my testimony that repenting of your sins is the only way to find true joy and happiness. I can’t tell you how much sorrow and misery I’ve felt these past few months. But I know that we can overcome all sadness if we but repent and sin no more.


Ramiumptum,

Molly the Mormon

39 comments:

Jennifer Allen said...

Molly you really did not have to be guilty about the rum cake because any alchoholic content is cooked out of it when it is baked that is why resteraunts are able to use wine in the making of there food and then serve it to children

Bishop Rick said...

Jennifer,

That is true unless the Rum is added after the cake is baked.

I want that recipe if it will make me spin and swirl with debauchery.

Sister Mary Lisa said...

Besides, Jennifer...You forget that Molly is admonished to "avoid the very appearance of evil." That includes RUM in any form, alcoholic content cooked out or not.

Molly! Welcome back! Congratulations on the new addition to your family. I'm pretty glad you aren't so depressed any more. I hope you're feeling much better.

CV Rick said...

You are truly a daughter of our Heavenly Father . . . and what a brilliant blog you have. I'm glad I found it. Now, if you'll excuse me I have to go get a piece of coffee cake in Kahlua sauce. Yumm.

Simeon's . . . Turning the Corner said...

Molly,
I'm glad you came to your senses. What's next . . . Pot Brownies?

Sideon said...

Congratulations on the birth of your eighth child. The heavens must be thrilled at you and that Peter and such bountiful skills.

You shouldn't sweat it about the rum cake. It's not like you'd turn into a lusty pirate (Ahoy!). Not immediately, anyway. Your dear prophet (the Smith guy) drank wine before he got shot by that mob in Carthage. If you're going to have alcohol in any form, then at least follow the example that has been shown to you.

It's wonderful that you're back. I was worried that you'd been called on a mission or got stuck as den mother for a herd of wild Weeblos in southern Utah.

Bitchside said...

I'm so glad to hear you've repented. You will be happier in God's kingdom with Brother Joseph if you're not drunk.

Lemon Blossom said...

Yay, I am glad you are back, Molly! I was worried that you were away so long, but I am glad to hear that you are now back on the Right track.

AZ Awakening said...

Once I had rum cake at band camp, and thought about debauchery with Br. Joseph too. Or was that my wife, oh my head was spinning way too much...

Congrats on your happy arrival.

Jennifer Allen said...

(is it wierd that i get to this blog by going through one of the lds unfriendly blogs?)

Just one of many said...

Who is LDS unfriendly???

Anonymous said...

Mol, you're back. Thank God. I thought we lost you to Brother Joseph for good.

Congratulations on the new addition.

Bring um' Young,

Mavis

Anonymous said...

Your "roll" in life? Is that cinnamon? Or perhaps you have a "scone" in life?

Anonymous said...

(whats the use of having a blog if you do not keep track of it

David Theriault said...

What kind of crock of crap blog is this?
I'm surprised that people don't have anything better to do with their time.
Speaking of which.... I gotta go do something productive.
see ya

Tabitha said...

ok, a couple of things..... the NEGLIGABLE amount of alcohol that you may or may not have consumed (depending on when the glaze was added) would not have been NEARLY enough to make you feel ANY differently AT ALL. That being said, I am worried. Post Partum Depression is a VERY serious thing and it seems that you have not gotten treatment for what so obviously is affecting you. My dear it is a matter of biology not sin that makes you feel such despair in these circumstances. I do hope that you recieve some type of help for this, for your and your family's sake.

Best Wishes

The Sinister Porpoise said...

May Molly use the Lord's one true counseling service sponsored by the church to get her through this crisis.

All those in favor say aye.

Anonymous said...

Mol, don't listen to David Theriault, your blog is not crap.

Now take care of your baby and do what sinister porpoise said, git some counseling.

Bring'um Young,

Mavis

Anonymous said...

Did Molly fall off the wagon ?

Molly The Mormon said...

Oh brothers and sisters, I'm so thankful for your kind words of support for me during these trying times. I have been taking counseling from the brethren and my visiting teachers. They are helping me to repent and cleanse my garments of the sin of alcoholism.

I hope none of you ever has to go thru with what I have gone thru.

Ramiumptum,

Molly the Mormon

Sister Mary Lisa said...

Ah, Mol. What a trooper you are. Please seek more guidance from professional counselors as well. Please? What could it hurt??

Hyrum Youngster said...

Molly,

What you say is so true. We all so need the atonement and repentance to stay clean and worthy.

I'm glad to know you received the purifying experience of disfellowshipment. It's hard, but obedience is the number one commandment, and it's important that we all know that and don't fall prey to our more selfish instincts, or to the devil's promptings.

I just want to say that I have a testimony of the principle of repentance, and I think public shaming has a wonderfully salutory effect. It's not just doctrinal, you know. This stuff is all what works to help the ailing human psyche. I know it. I've seen it in action. How it humbles people and reminds them of God's and Jesus's love! How it keeps us happy and content. I really think your husband and bishop were inspired in their decisions, and two months of disfellowshipment was an excellent sentence.

I'm glad to see you're back, Molly! I so look forward to seeing your posts.

True to the Faith,
Hyrum

Molly The Mormon said...

Oh Hyrum,

When you talk like that it makes me think of brother joseph.

Ramiumptum,

Molly the Mormon

Mavis said...

Mol, don't beat yourself up over one little mistake.

Come on now, get your tighty whiteys back on and go Ramiumptum for Joseph.

Bring um' Young,

Mavis

Michael said...

Hi. I found your blog on the Internet. Congrats on yout 8th child. You are really so lucky. That is quite impressive.

My name is Michael. I'm 28. I'm a Methodist. Live in Los Angeles, CA. I've been investigating the LDS faith for about a year. I have attended service and spoken with the guys at the ward and some other missionaries several times.

On Wensday night (4/30/07) I prayed to God about my business, my back (I hurt from surfing wiping out on a 30 ft wave resulting in a hernaited disk) my family (being so far from home for 3 years now), and being 28 and un-married. As well as a range of other things. As you can imagine when I said "amen" a long time had passed. I really had not prayed to God like this for quite some time and I started crying. And I NEVER cry. Maybe like once every 2 years.

The next morning I got a call from these 2 female missionaries. Another bizarre coincidence in a series of coincidences ever since I started getting interested in LDS. And I cannot figure out if these coincidences are from the force of good (God)- or something else (sorry8( ). I've had about 10 odd coincidences like this.

Today (Saturday) the missionaries showed up. It was 2 women (girls). This is my house. And right from the start they REFUSED TO SHUT MY DOOR. They claimed that this was some kind of "rule". A special rule for strange people like me ( I suppose).

I know there are some weird people out there. But I am not one of them. And that is why I felt this insinuation was insulting and rude. I don't want all my Pagan neighbors (who I am forced to associate with while I keep my religion private in my private life) walking by as I'm "publicly praying" and have a "theological discussion" with these 2 girls. How "un-kosher". I'm not trying to "share my lifestyle" with everyone in my melrose place style building.

The men that were here before never did this. They were really cool. They treated me like just one of the guys (an equal) and I really liked them. Then they got sent home a while ago. 8(

The one girl seemed like a perfect person inside and out. She agreed to shut the door 3/5 of the way. Thank you very much. The other one was not. She was nice and everything but a little to...umm. Never-mind. Maybe it was because she was the one that INSISTED my door be open. And she also said that I was making excuses and had feelings about LDS that I was afraid to tell my family. Which is somewhat true.. but none the less I did not want to hear it.

Now when it came time to pray I told her I would only feel comfortable praying (since I'm on FULL DISPLAY with the door open) with the door SHUT as it is supposed to be. SO GUESS WHAT? SHE REFUSED TO SHUT THE DOOR (knowing that I would refuse to pray) and I refused to pray as a result. I said that was fine because I was not feeling so great today anyways (from working too much during the week and not getting any sleep which is true) and didn't want to pray with them right then.

I probably looked like a jerk. But if she would have just SHUT THE DOOR like I requested I could have talked to them more. This is my house.

I don't know why it seems so silly but it grated on my nerves the entire time. I didn't want to discuss anything with them - I just wanted my gosh darn door closed. Because the insinuation is that I'm somebody that they should fear for there personal safety or something. Huh? Me? It REALLY bothered me.

I dont know why I'm like this. If I want somthing and I dont get it..I dont know.

They said something about meeting at a house next time "where I could have the door closed" but now I'm feeling kinda.... I'm going to request only men next time. I always feel better talking to guysn about business and higher lever things anyways.

Then when they left they left the door open.

Molly The Mormon said...

Michael,

Please don't be offended by the 2 sisters that refused to allow the door to be shut. They know full well of the craftiness of the adversary and are instructed by the priesthood authorities to never place themselves in a situation that could invite an unholy spirit.

Satin is real and will stop at nothing when it comes to ruining the lives of the faithful and those being harvested. Maybe the sister would accidently drop her Book of Mormon and lean a little too far when picking it up, or while showing you a scripture exposing her womanhood. Maybe the strings on her bonnet become overly loosed and falls out of place.

These things only happen behind closed doors.

I hope this helps you in your quest to stop worshiping John Wesley and start worshiping Joseph Smith.

Ramiumptum,

Molly the Mormon

Michael said...

Closed doors? Craftiness of the adversary? Unholy spirit? Satan? Now I'm really confused. Are you suggesting these 2 sisters refused to shut my door because I would have something even remotely to do with these things? NO. I would never. Wow that is just. The audacity. I just. I just have no words for that!


God has always been with me. ALWAYS. All of our family. We have all been blessed and protected by the hand of the Lord. We are Methodist. But we are also normal, modern people. As well as myself. This is just too much. I'm not interested in checking out any female missionaries "women hood". Ok? I can look at someone and see how they look short,tall,thin,fat,plain,attractive,gourgeus,handsome etc etc etc ). Please show me one person, man or women, that does not do that. That is NOT sin. Now I suppose if I were to stare/gaze at a women exclusively with lust ETC that would be a sin... certainly not the respectful or the correct thing to do to say the least.

This is all the more PERFECT reason only to have men as missionaries. From now on - no female missionaries are allowed in my house unless they are men. I liked the guys before and got along with them just fine. They were not rude and did not insist my door be left wide open for all to witness in my own house none-the-less.

I'm not worshipping John Wesley. I can assure you of that. He is simply the founder of Methodism. The same way that Joseph Smith is the founder of Mormonism. Except that John Wesley was not / did not claim to be a Prophet. Besides, I will only worship God. As you should too. Joseph Smith may have been a prophet and I'm still looking into it. However I would never worship him or any other prophet for that matter. Worship is reserved exclusively for God alone. Anything else is a sin.

Michael

Molly The Mormon said...

Michael,

I hope you are not offended as no offense was intended (hey a rhyme :)

As a member of the one true church on the face of the earth, I am instructed in the ways of the Lord and testify to you that women (of which I am one) are not capable of driving out the wiles of the cunning one. That is why we have the priesthood, and why the Elders have no problem closing doors. They have the authority to remove Satin from their investigators and can drive out evil spirits.

If your gaze slips unintentionally to a region of a sister missionary's anatomy, and for just a split second your thoughts stray to a forbidden place, you have opened a door for Satin to enter. This is not your fault. You do not have the gift of the Holy Ghost to guide you. You can be likened unto a ship without a rubber. Drifting aimlessly on the sea of discovery.

Take heed what the missionaries are teaching you. Don't worry about leaving your door open. This is just a test of your true intentions. Put aside your pride young man and embrace the truth. Don't be ashamed of Jesus. You should be ready to pray on your front lawn is asked by your lord. Heed the councel of Joseph, whether by his own voice or the voice of his servents, it is the same.

Oh, and I don't worship Joseph...yet.

Ramiumptum,

Molly the Mormon

Sister Mary Lisa said...

Michael,

Be prepared if you do join the Mormon church, and if they call you to be a teacher of the little kids in their Sunday School (called Primary) to have another male be a co-teacher with you. They require this now to avoid any other temptations from being carried out behind closed doors during church.

Bishop Rick said...

Nice avatar SML.

Sister Mary Lisa said...

You like that, hmmm? Perhaps you'll like this new one even better.

donangelo said...

hello mollywood,
you said that those so called missionaries have no problem closing doors and casting satan out of the investorgators,because of their so called priesthood,but the truth is mollywood,i am a ex-mormon who is now a born again christian,who is a follower of Jesus Christ our lord and savior,because all christians are saved by grace,so tell me mollywood what are you mormons saved by,because every mormon priest is only a pretender,because they have no authority to call them selves melchezadek priest,because the real melchezadek priest is over in Israel,and they are blood line direct descendants of aaron,so tell me molly if those so called mormon priest have authority like you said they do,why could'nt they stop me from leaving the fold and converting to christianity,because they have on authority and no integrity,mormonism is all a ugly scam. by donaangelo

Molly The Mormon said...

donangelo,

Don't try to mask your sinful ways by trying to tear down God's true church.

You probably read porn or are gay and that's why you left the church. Deep inside you know it is true, but you can't face the bishop knowing that heart is filled with gay porn.

Repent brother and come back into the fold. I have written steps that can help you with your gayism.

Ramiumptum,

Molly the Mormon

donangelo said...

hello mollywood,

trust me i am not gay,cause i love beautiful woman,and i love making sweet love to beautiful women,i know how to please woman cause i am a real christian man,and by the way the lds cult has already began to fall,because the wrath of the great God of Israel is being poured out on all of the evil lds priest,who is on their way to hell revelations 21-8

donangelo said...

hello molly,

you said i could not face the bishop,but the truth is molly some mormon bishops are criminals and sexuall abusers,because my former bishop at the lds cult,sexually abused his step daughter,and now this evil man have children by his step daughter,your right i don't want to face him,because when i look at my former mormon bishop all i see is a worthless peice of scum.

Molly The Mormon said...

donangel,

Now I see your folly. Don't let the sins of one Bishop aide your exit from the one true church of Joseph Smith. I am certain that your new Bishop would open his door to you and your adultrous ways.

Just because you have sex with many women, doesn't mean you can't repent and get back on the path to righteousness.

Unless of course they were gay women and you have aides. In that case you will burn in hell.

Ramiumptum,

Molly the Mormon

donangelo said...

hello mollywood,

here is a news flash,i am a thirty years old virgin okay,and i have never commited adultery,because i have never had sex,because i am saving myself for that special god-send bride from heaven okay.

Avery said...

Oh molly, your posts and comments are so amazing (and spiritual) that I don't know how I ever did without this blog! Keep it up!

Anonymous said...

The book of moron indeed.