Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Perversions of the Natural Man

Oh brothers and sisters, recent events have caused me to post about something very serious. Lustful perversions. I think it is of utmost importance that you pay close attention to this topic as it is obvious that many here have need of chastisement.
Let's discuss the top 10 perversions here:

1. Greed - Leads to Envy
2. Envy - Leads to Lust
3. Lust - Leads to Pornography
4. Pornography - Leads to Gay Pornography
5. Gay Pornography - Leads to Gayism
6. Gayism - Satin's plan to prevent the second coming

See a pattern here?

7. Alcoholism - Leads to Idleness
8. Idleness - Leads to Extra-marital sex
9. Extra-Marital Sex - Leads to Abortion
10. Abortion - Satin's backup plan to prevent the second coming

I think this illustration makes it perfectly clear how one little slip-up can lead you down the crooked path, yea even the slippery slope that either ends in Gayism or Abortion. Both of these evils prevent our spirit siblings from inhabiting their earthly tabernacles, thus preventing the second coming of Joseph.

Can't you see the cunning ways of satin? Can't you see how important it is to hold to the rod of righteousness and to follow the straight and narrow path that leads back to brother Joseph?

Brothers and Sisters, I testify to you here today, that these things are true, and if you heed this council, you will be blessed with the spirit of Joseph and hope of Heber.

These things I leave with you in the name of Joseph Smith

Ramiumptum,

Molly the Mormon

43 comments:

Sideon said...

Amen, Molly. Hold onto that rod of righteousness. Hold it in your pretty little hand with a firm, yet not too firm, grip. Doesn't it make you feel all pumped up with joy?

Personally, I jumped straight (no pun intended) from step 1 right through step 6. I got 7 through 9 covered, too, but 10 just isn't ever going to be an option for me. Truly.

Oh. Satin. 600 thread count is GLORIOUS.

Anonymous said...

I agree on the 600 thread count, but I prefer it to be cotton instead of satin.

Ann Onymous

Sister Mary Lisa said...

And I just bought some 60% BAMBOO, 40% Cotton sheets, and they are softer and more comfy than my 600 count straight cotton ones were after I'd had them for a year.

Who knew BAMBOO was so soft?? Probably softer than Molly's baby's butt.

Highly recommend the bamboo.

Molly The Mormon said...

People, People, People,

I'm trying to usher in the second coming and all you people can talk about is butts and bamboo.

Let's get some focus here.

Ramiumptum,

Molly the Mormon

Sister Mary Lisa said...

Sorry, Molly. I stand penitent before you (mainly because I slept so well in my bamboo sheets, so I'm less cranky)...But back on topic. I have one important question for you:

Item #2. How the heck does Envy lead to Lust? I'm trying to figure that one out. A little help would be nice...

paranoidfr33k said...

Molly,

Is it wrong to lust after 600 count bamboo? It sure sounds nice!

I agree that the sins of this generation are many. Hold on tight as the bumpy ride continues.

/paranoidfr33k

Molly The Mormon said...

SML,

I'm glad you asked that question. Its really quite simple once you break it down. To start with, there are many meanings of the word lust, one of which is akin to Envy, but for our purposes, let me give you an example:

You really start to envy your neighbors lofty station and begin to lust after his physical belongings. Let's say he owns a convertable mercedes. You begin watching this car whenever it is driven, wishing that it was yours. Then you start to notice his trophy wife driving it with her hair blowing in the wind, and you start to develop lustful desires for her.

Now since you are both women, that would be Gayism and you would both get aids.

See how that works?

Now I would that you (and all women) simply hold to the Rod of Righteousness when faced with these gay issues. Forget about bed sheets and bamboo sticks. Stop kicking against the pricks but rather hold to the Rod of Righteousness.

Ramiumptum,

Molly the Mormon

Sister Mary Lisa said...

As you wish, Molly. As you wish. I stand all enlightened.

Mavis said...

Mol, are men exempt from holding the Rod of Righteousness? Will that bring gayism to them?

Bring'um Young,

Mavis

Sideon said...

Another Amen for Molly!

I say hold onto that Rod of Righteousness every chance you can. And if you can't hold onto your own, hold onto someone else's. No need to worry about gayism unless there's kissing involved - that's a definite sign.

Anonymous said...

Thsi must be why the Amish prefer living a simple life. It avoids all of the envy and lusting.

I guess if people were weak and couldn't overcome their envious and lustful desires, they could just live next to poor people who can't afford nice things or liposuction.

Ann Onymous

Sister Mary Lisa said...

Ann Onymous,

"Liposuction"??? You crack me up!

Anonymous said...

I prefer egyptian cotton. And, I enjoy alcohol (but not alcoholism) and lust (for my husband only...well, that's not true but I only take it out on him).

I guess it's true, I 'm going to hell in a handbasket. Anyone want to join me?

:)

Anonymous said...

See Anonymous,

You can understand the pattern. You have a few drinks and start kicking back on the patio. Then the neighbor's gardner, who doesn't seem to own a shirt, start looking better and better.

Sometimes I argue with Molly, but I guess, in this case, it could happen. (Not to me though because I am a completely loyal wife.)

Ann Onymous

Anonymous said...

Satan Satan Satan, not Satin.

I am appalled by the assumptions *one-who-has-not-lived-in-the-real-world* is making here. I will not even spell them out, because this entire post is ludicrous. I mean really, WTF?

But I applaud all the fun you commentators poke at her. ;)

Mavis said...

"Anonymous said...

Satan Satan Satan, not Satin."

Sweetie, I thought it was Satan also, but Molly showed me the error of my thinking. It is Satin, and he's 800 counts of mean.

Bring'um Young,

Mavis

mark said...

Molly, I have witnessed many "second comings." My current lover rarely stops at two. I think Brother Joseph wood approve.

Paulina said...

wouldn't it be more true to say that Pornography leads to sodemy rather then only homosexuality?

Anonymous said...

your stupidity leads to boredom
bordom leads to the internet
the internet is for porn
porn leads....
see molly your causing the problem

Mavis said...

I think someone just got a Brimstone point.

Bring'um Young,

Mavis

Molly The Mormon said...

anonymous,

Get thee behind your priesthood leader. My sole porpose in life is to bring soles to repentance. Yea even those who have become ensnared in the steal trap of the cunning one. Those that have fallen pray to pornography and gayism.

You have no idea how tempted I am to give you a brimstone point, but alas I am in a charitable mood and feel that you err out of ignorance.

Ramiumptum,

Molly the Mormon

Molly The Mormon said...

Paulina,

Sodomy, Gonareah, they are both biblical cities that were destroyed due to gayism, so I think we are on the same page here.

Ramiumptum,

Molly the Mormon

Molly The Mormon said...

Mark,

Everyone knows that the second coming hasn't happened yet. If your gay lover is having halucinations about second comings then I suggest you both repent and shake off the dust of satin. Unclutter your lives by ridding yourselves of this heavy burden. Come back to the "straight" and narrow path.

Its your gayism that is preventing the second coming.

Ramiumptum,

Molly the Mormon

Paulina said...

actually the citis was Sodum and Gamorah. Sodumy refurse to any sexual perversion. Poligamy, promiscuity, prostitution, the male version poligamy, beastisy, homosexuality, edipus Rex sindrome and the female version of Edipus Rex sindrome.

Gonareah is an STD, its name doesn't even come close to being from the name of that City.

Anonymous said...

Paulina,

If you are going to criticize Molly, please be a little more precise about it. SODOMY refers to any act other than coital sex between a man and a woman. According to Webster's, it means "anal or oral copulation with a member of the same or opposite sex". The root of the word is derived from the Biblical city of Sodom. GONORREA is in fact a sexually transmitted disease and I would guess that there was a lot of it in the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah.

I also wouldn't doubt that pornography leads to homosexuality in one way or another. If the person watching the pornography does not become gay, they are very likely to end up watching homosexual acts on the pornography.

Molly's progression toward "gayism" may not be definitive, but you must admit that it could happen.

Ann Onymous

mark said...

Hey Molly. My current lover has a vagina just like yours. Well, not EXACTLY like yours, but very similar.

Molly The Mormon said...

Very well said Ann Onymous.
1 Sunbeam point for you.

Mark,

That is very sad indeed. Sex changes are irriversable. Now your gay lover will never be able to fully repent in this life. Not even my steps to ending gayism can help here. Maybe if your "lover" does every thing that Brother Joseph teaches, til the end of his days, he will be permitted to regrow a penis in the afterlife.

He probably watched Teletubbies as a child.

Ramiumptum,

Molly the Mormon

Just one of many said...

I haven't violated 9 and 10 yet! But since we are down here to gain experience, I better get moving on 9 & 10!

Paulina said...

sorry anonimus and Molly,

I was always taught that sodomy refred to any sexualy action that contridicted the concept of one many and one women. my bad...

also if the sodomy gonoreiah was ment to be a joke it was lost on me.

Mavis said...

paulina, sodomy is anal sex. Satin is evolved, but I don't know how, yet!

Sorry Molly, I was just explaining, please, no brimstone point.

Bring'um Young,

Mavis

Anonymous said...

Paulina,

I did not intend to be Molly's great defender, but I haven't been able to help myself recently. People have been correcting Molly on her spelling and grammer. Many of their posts are also inprecise. While I may not always agree with Molly's beliefs, she shouldn't badgered for things her attackers are also guilty of, meaning spelling and gramatical errors.

I'm not sure if Molly meant Sodom and Gonorrea as a joke, but I didn't feel like nitpicking about that. I could see where the thought process may have led to those words being typed.

Mavis, I believe that you are correct and Satin could be directly involved with sodomy. If you look underneath the act of sodomy, Satin could be there.

Ann Onymous

Mavis said...

Molly, where'd you go? There's a big row going on over at Tripped by the Mormons.

What are your thoughts on trying to leave the church, but can't?

Bring'um Young,

Mavis

Anonymous said...

Molly, if you do not post again soon, I feel Satin will get me to turn away from the profit. Help!

paranoidfr33k said...

Yes, Molly.

I worry for you. If you aren't calling us to repent, what are you doing?

/paranoidfr33k

Sister Mary Lisa said...

I hope you're not in the throes of depression again, Molly. I also hope you aren't spending all your time repenting if that's what happened...

Mavis said...

Molly. you're pictures gone...poof!

Wha'happened?

Bring'um Young,

Mavis

Anonymous said...

You are all crazy- get a real life

Anonymous said...

drink some booze, lick some pussy, suck your husbands cock

Sister Mary Lisa said...

Anonymous is really brave, commenting such great comments. I shivered, I was so impressed.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous, if you scare Molly off I will beat you up!

MOLLYYYYYY...WHEERREEEE AREEEE YOOUUUUUU.....

Signed,

Not the Crappy Anonymous

Sister Mary Lisa said...

OK, Molly girl, it's been over two months. Please come back to us.

chemonro said...

Moooo. We need more blog. Please write more. Oh and update your photo so we can see it? *doe eyes*

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry...what the hell is wrong with being gay? What is this-a site of ignorant hellbound confused prats? And its spelt as Satan you Daft nards.